apartment burgers

i'm a hairstylist. i work late, every night and i work all day on saturday. so, tonight - after a long day (well, WEEK!) of being elbow deep in perfectly coiffed highlighted hair covered in sweat and hairspray - i'm making burgers and drinking a brewski. again, no grill. i'm sure i could walk around the grounds searching for a grill by our pools, make small talk with the dog walkers watching their dog lay a turd - but its raining. and frankly, i dont want to awkwardly grill a burger (poorly, i might add) in front of everyone. at our old apartment, our balcony faced the courtyard and it was cinco de mayo every sunday with every grill taken up. i'm glad we're in the master planned country now. so here is my attempt at apartment burgers. let me ruin it for you - it didnt go very well and my stomach hurts.

INGREDIENTS:
1lb 80/20 ground chuck
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 small onion, finely chopped (i decided last minute not to do it. eh, just didnt feel like onions)
about 10 dashes or 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
about 10 dashes or 2 teaspoons soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
freshly ground pepper
6 thin slices of cheese, such as gouda, swiss, or cheddar (optional)
6 hamburger buns
toppings as desired

on a cutting board, form the ground chuck into a 2-foot long snake, and use your thumb to make a deep trough in the center. evenly spread or sprinkle the next five ingredients in the trough. sprinkle with ground pepper.

pinch the trough closed, then divide your snake into  equal portions. (depending on how many burgers you're making) gently pat them into 1 1/2 inch thick patties.

preheat a cast iron pan on high heat. add patties, and cook for about 2-3 minutes on each side.

 

now, this is just supposed to cook the top and bottom and then you cook it slower after. well, i immediately burnt each side. the cookbook said high heat! wtf! and then it started to separate!? notice all the damn smoke and the burnt side.








 after getting my ass popped by all this grease flying everywhere, i ran out of the kitchen. nick simply came and turned the stove down. "oh."

here's my smoke ridden kitchen. the balcony doors are open and the fans are kicking. uuugh.

look at this.
LOOK.
AT.
THIS.

anyway, the next step said to add cheese, cover pan, and turn down heat to medium-low. okay, no big deal:

cook for another 2 minutes, until cheese is melted, and patty is cooked to medium rare, or desired doneness. now, i did all this. and this is what it started to look like. cheese is disgustingly swimming in grease. some weird textured meat juices are flowing everywhere. i'm sicked out.







but super cook  husband assured me to just flip those babies over and slap another slice of cheddar on them and they'll be fine.

so here. here is my damn burger.

i ate half of it. nick devoured his. and both of us are taking trips to the bathroom
for potty breaks. i might have poisoned us with greasy suck burger meat.
*sigh*